i’ve had it asked of me to do some thinking…there are things ive said and done that ill be the first to admit, im anything but proud of. Its almost sad really how long its taken me to start changing. For the past almost 5 years, ive been nothing but talk. I do things, in almost a trance like way. Ill be doing things, like yelling and screaming and crying, saying things like “its over” or “why bother” or “you just lost me” or “its just not worth it anymore” making empty threats that at the time im not so sure are empty. Then not more than 20 maybe 30 minutes later its almost as if i snap out of this trance like state. I then start to think, what did i just do what did i just say? Because i actually cant remember. Its almost like im another person with completely different thoughts, as mental as that sounds. In my writing im hoping that i will maybe be able to stop doing things like that…and let it out on paper, well screen i suppose, rather than on the ones i love that surroud me.
Allannah
Sometimes if we let things build within us instead of dealing with them one at a time as life hands them to us, there is almost a snap that happens that empties your vessel but leaves gaps…( a bit like the historical berserker?) it is far better to say what you mean and think as it happens. Calmly. Do not push down. be authentic.